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What Does It Mean When a Child Shuts Down
And What To Do When a Child Shuts Down
For many children, shutdowns are a last resort, a way out of an overwhelming situation.
Children want to please, and they understand that shutting down does not please parents or teachers. And yet, for many, it’s a common occurrence. If you are the parent of a child with learning difficulties, you know all about a child shutting down while learning.
For your child, life is a little overwhelming.
You or the teacher talk faster than she can process, reading aloud is humiliating, and/or the homework assignment is too hard or takes forever to complete.
And so in self-defense, to preserve self-esteem and/or to maintain just an ounce of dignity a natural response is to shut down. Rather than facing continuing failure, frustration, or having to deal with your obvious disappointment in his performance, opting out is a more attractive course of action.
He knows you will be unhappy about it, but the alternative is worse. This article reviews the reasons a child shuts down when upset, and what to do when a child shuts down.
Learners Can Become Resistant
Shut-down learners are not just children with learning diagnoses like APD or dyslexia. It is not uncommon for a child to shut down when corrected or over homework. Consider this story.
So far this school year, Katrina has been struggling in mathematics class. She cannot ‘turn on’ her math brain. However, turning her brain off for other subjects is okay for now.
Yesterday, she was in math class, staring at the textbook and unable to understand. Seeing her furrowed brow, her teacher discreetly approached, crouched by her desk, and asked how she was doing.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
He took a breath, mentally broke down the steps, and focused on what Katrina needed to do first—simple steps.
“What’s x plus x?” he asked. Katrina shrugged her shoulders.
“Ok, then, what’s one plus one?” the teacher asked softly. Katrina looked down. She made no response. She stayed like that for most of the rest of the lesson.
Today, when she walked into class, she felt a crushing reminder of what had happened the day before. Opening her book was easy enough, but she had no confidence that she could open her mind to tackle more math today. Shame, frustration, and anger are bubbling away, but her peers and the teacher are none the wiser. She just sat in her seat, not even taking out her textbook and work.
Katrina is showing the signs of a shutdown learner.
An authority on the subject, psychologist and assistant professor of pediatrics Dr. Richard Selznick coined the term “shut-down learner” and has written a book about it. It’s common in today’s classrooms and at home with homework.
It affects a diverse range of students, often those with intellectual learning disabilities or needs.
Recognizing a Shut-Down Learner – Selznick
Selznick describes a shutdown learner as a student who:
- Feels disconnected, discouraged, and lacks motivation in their learning
- Needs help with the fundamentals – reading, writing, and spelling skills- and, in the interim, self-esteem suffers
- Dislikes reading, hates writing
- Avoids school tasks, including homework, despite parental urging
- Becomes angrier toward school
If you have concerns about your child, these four powerful videos give you an idea of what their day is like. Much of this article also applies to acting out at school.
Of course, shutdowns are only part of the learning puzzle. More on helping your child to learn self-regulation here.
Autism Shutdown… a Little Different
Students on the autism spectrum tend to have shutdowns that progress from frustration to an abnormal stress response and then to a shutdown. An auditory processing disorder might be at fault – they’re having trouble processing what they hear. With avoidance behavior, there may be disruption, violence, or destruction. Typically, with other learners not on the autism spectrum, their ‘shut down’ may be more internalized, so they appear passive and disengaged.
Physiology might drive autistic shutdowns. Consider a child on the spectrum who ‘shuts down’ during a learning task by falling asleep, which is not easy to do in a pretend scenario. That’s not selective mutism, where a child refuses to do a learning task point-blank. There, they have a choice.
Why Shutdowns Are OK
Some researchers argue that shutdowns are helpful, maybe even necessary, for those who find a situation too overwhelming or tricky. If we expand our view to humans and animals, consider the role of sleep, hibernation, and exhaustion as types of behavioral shutdown. It sounds crude, but there may be good reasons for a child to shut down when upset.
If a child shuts down when corrected, it helps save face on one level, and, in the short term, it’s a way to cope.
However, avoidance isn’t helpful for the teacher or a parent wanting to see the homework done. Nor is it helpful for your child and their learning.
So, what can you do when your child shuts down when corrected or when homework is too much? Here are some thoughts.
- Draw on your own past – what helped you self-regulate as a child?
- Draw on what you know about how your child behaves now and has in the past.
- Recognize that shutdowns can happen. Was it stubbornness or defiance, not wanting to be told what to do?
How were these episodes handled in their earlier years? What worked back then for you, their caregivers, or educators to boost compliance and engagement? Also, what have you tried since then that seemed to work?
What were the warning signs that your child’s level of frustration was increasing? Did you get a sense there was a pattern that certain things would ‘set them off’ onto a trajectory into shutdown mode? What about your reactions?
Try to eke out the reasons for your child shutting down when they are upset. How do they make sense of it? Do they have a level of awareness about those shutdowns and why they happen? When a child shuts down when corrected, is it because they know they made a mistake, or is it because they are overwhelmed?
Help a Shut Down Learner – Find The Source
Use your insights (and those of others familiar with your child) to identify what sets them off. Is there a learning readiness issue? Is it reading? Is it taking in verbal instructions without any visual reinforcement?
Maybe deadlines make them put their learning brakes on. Are they not hearing or processing verbal instructions well or promptly?
If they’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, it won’t be helpful to judge their behavior as defiant and intentional. Try to avoid judgments and focus on how to circumvent shut down.
Aim to be proactive to anticipate possible problems. Have your arsenal of strategies, such as the tips in this article, to guide them to more positive behavior.
Tackling Reading Issues
If the need to read raises their hackles, so to speak, try these approaches to get them back on track.
First, be patient. Reading is a complex skill that many children struggle with well into their teens.
One way to support your child is to get a copy of the book your child has to read for school. Read it together at home, or perhaps you can read it aloud to them, for a chunk of each night at the same time in a quiet zone. Segue to have them read to you eventually.
Use highlighter pens to help unpack the book. Perhaps a different color for each of the main characters in the book. Mark key points, not slabs of text. Importantly, make this a relaxing and fun time with your child. Look forward to it as much as you want them to.
If reading milestones are not being met, consider Gemm Learning. We provide Fast ForWord software at home with professional oversight. Fast ForWord targets the cognitive skill gaps that are the source of most learning frustration.
Finding Motivation to Learn
A powerful movie storyline can help motivate older learners to get back on track – or at least think about it. Consider these titles: Good Will Hunting, The Great Debaters, The Theory of Everything, The Social Network, The Breakfast Club, and Dead Poets’ Society.
Chilling out watching a movie with your ‘shut down learner’ child takes the focus off the frustration. They might see themselves portrayed in that movie. It could offer you an opportunity to debrief about it with them and understand more about how they can self-regulate instead of shutting down when corrected or when being asked to read.
Get The Teacher Involved
If your child shuts down when learning or when corrected, be sure to compare notes with their teachers. Is this only happening at home?
Give your child’s teacher insights into what sets your child off and gets them out of shut down mode. What might help is encouraging the teacher to give one instruction at a time and explain tasks visually and verbally. They could also write the day’s or lesson’s program on the board and go through it with students, then ask if learners have any questions. Allow for smoother transitions between activities with forewarnings. It might mean popping some transitional music on, for example.
It may sound like you’re trying to tell the teacher how to do their job, but that’s not the case. Teachers’ workloads are incredibly cramped, and they barely have time to think. In each lesson, they make multiple decisions, often on the spot.
Most teachers have a lot to take on board. Plus, they have to differentiate the content they deliver for the diversity of learners in their classroom – that’s a given. In the pressure to pace through the lessons and nudge students to achieve the required learning outcomes, they may forget, take shortcuts, or rush students. It’s reasonable to expect this will and can happen.
All you’re doing in providing these tips is letting them know how they can get the best out of your child, their learner. It’s not meant to be patronizing.
If you wonder if your child is twice-exceptional, input from the teacher can be useful. 2e children are a particular challenge. Gemm Learning has extensive experience providing learning and reading programs for children with dyslexia and other disabilities.
Watch What You Say
Keep your verbal requests to your child short and simple. Allow them time to process what you’re asking. Lecturing, embellishing your message, or raising your voice will reduce your success. Limit yourself to repetitions, perhaps every five to 10 minutes.
When my child shuts down when corrected or while he should be doing homework, I’ll simply state a request. Then, I’ll wait patiently nearby, in the same room, about two or more yards away. He finds my presence annoying after a minute or two, so I’ll move off. I then come back in about five minutes and simply repeat myself with a deadpan face. He can’t tell whether I’m annoyed. I betray nothing.
After a minute or so of standing again in the same room with him, more often than not, I’ll get an “Ok, ok, I’m doing it”, but he won’t move. So, I need to stay in the room until he physically starts moving. It means I usually follow him out of the room.
This may not work for you, but it’s building my patience and slowly prying him open from these shutdown modes. With my son, I use a consistent approach.
Instead of relying completely on verbal prompts to tell your child what they need to do, consider using to-do charts, agendas, Post-it notes, calendars, and timers as extra strategies.
Build Coping Skills
The anecdote above shows a shutdown learner my coping skills. I’ve slowed right down. He knows I’m frustrated, but I’m channeling that negative energy constructively. Discuss with your child what they think will help them when their learning hits a brick wall. How can they communicate that to their teacher or you?
Different-colored stress balls or cards are sometimes used effectively in classrooms for students to communicate their readiness for learning. The student puts the ball or card out in front of them on their desk in plain view of the teacher. ‘Red’ for stuck, ‘yellow’ for not quite there yet, and ‘green’ for I’m ready.
If focus is clearly the issue, this might be helpful: how to help a child with ADHD without drugs.
When your child is back in the green zone, no longer elevated or resistant, that’s a good time to talk to them about that. Congratulate them for being ready for learning. Ask them what helped get them there this time. You’re helping them tap into their feelings and roadblocks and articulate them.
Reviewing problems with them and hearing their solutions and your own offers them pathways out of shutdown for next time. Not all learners can be ‘talked out’ of shutdown, as the reason may be physiological. What you’re trying to build here is awareness of the triggers as well as the ways through the shutdown.
The expert in shutdown learners, Dr. Richard Selznick, talks about finding ways such learners can ‘buy in’ to support that helps them recharge their battery for learning. On some deep level, you’re trying to find that connection that brings your child to a better place for learning and developing healthy learning habits.
Multiple Shutdowns Are A Clue
If you’re out of ideas on what to do when your child shuts down, because it happens regularly, that’s a wake-up call. Again, children want to please. Shutdowns are a last resort. If your child shuts down repeatedly, there are likely deeper-seated cognitive delays at play.
For more tips on parenting a struggling learner, see here.
Check out our checklists of reading warning signs and milestones, dyslexia symptoms, ADHD symptoms, and signs of auditory processing disorder.
If any of these symptoms resonate, Gemm Learning could be a good fit for your child. Click here to schedule a 1-on-1 call to find out if we can help.
